Stay strong and dont give in! Excellent advice Jo and yes it works, I tried it all myself. I think its time for total no contact! Im not responding to any more calls or texts. I was his hope. Will my narcissist hoover? Remember, they are narcs and only care about appearances. To hear my ex so perfectly described by other people shocks me. These people do need to know they cant always get away with their cruelties. Thats the thing, any female is going to be neglected if they are involved with Cameron in any way friend, colleague, lover, boyfriend, father, son, brother. He proves his disorder with most of what he tells me. STAY AWAY FROM THEM, THEY MEAN YOU NO GOOD WILL!! Or there are the exs who the narcissist discarded, and theyre still nursing a broken heart. Does anyone have any tips on getting over a narcissistic ex? Keep reading if you want to find out how narcissists treat their exes. Mind u I was not shy to express my erratic side in therapy so we can be given the help we needed while being our selves and not some fake person who will gain nothing from therapy. Its only a theory, as no one can predict the future. Their pattern is idealise, devalue, discard. The narcissist will try and convince you that theres something wrong with you for not staying friends. Be safe and contact a Domestic Violence Shelter too, worst thing is when they know youre going to leave they act all nice loving even apologizing again. Its eating me alive I dont like this person I became but he breaks me more and more, Thank you so much for this. No []. Why was he not discarded as quick as me? My suggestion would be to find out what it is within yourself that attracts you to this personality type (since you mentioned shes not the first). I have gone no contact but he always seems to find a way, I am strong and have no intentions of ever letting him gas light or hoover me back to his destructive way of contorting the truth and blaming me for everything and then in the next breath telling me how much he loves me and misses me and can we please go on holiday together when this pandemic is over. That love letter got to me. Now i am living by myself. He was also very sexual with me yet his girlfriend said they have not had sex yet in 7 months (that comes from her own issues). To all the women and men who have been victimized by any of the cluster B personality disordered types, my heart truly goes out to you. 3. I am a male who has been in a no contact stage with what I emphatically believe to be a female borderline. Did not hear from him for a view days. I feel so much more calm and serene with him out of my life. Just to demonstrate I am including a note from my ex too. ), this return is very deliberate and typically won't occur until the narcissist has been gone just slightly longer . No wonder why everyone seemed to be going in circles including myself. The fact that she told me what a nice guy this person is makes me wonder why he has not been used up as well. I havent commented on this board in a while. I will never be the same person again. I didnt until I met mine. I was scared, i became sick, lost a lot of my hair and quickly fell away from all social contact with anyone. He will throw everything at you to get his "supply" back. He cannot even look me in the eye and refuses to communicate with me regarding the kids. But probably not, maybe he can't get over you.We were together for a year and a half. My ex was a 64 gym trainer with a drug addiction who recently told me he had reconnected with his sister. His mask falls so quick when he cant get what he wants. I know that many a guy has fallen for her, so i am not the only one. Im so scared for her! In all you wrote what stood out for me is your son. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me. I want her to get in contact, so that I can be the one to finally say , we are done. He is dangerous and a terrible human being. Now i am going back to study and get a job and make new friends. I know him well and everything he does is planned ahead. In the last year, he started being physically, emotionally, financially and even spiritually abusive. I cant sleep I cant eat. Whenever her brother-in-law or sister comes into town, he uses his sister to get invitations to dinner (or invites himself) or drives past her nephews house to see if the brother-in-laws truck is in front of the house. Dearest . He is now living in a caravan park with her and her daughter. Ah this is a great insight. Protect yourself and your children but be very wise about it. Reblogged this on Living Life Creatively and commented: Maybe they're curious as to how you're doing or maybe they want to make you jealous. I see signs that I never would have recognized before my own experience. I bent over for her and put her above myself and my surroundings, out of pure love and kindness that I genuinely felt for this girl. Try meditation if you can. Yes, that is what happened! So whether your ex is serious or not, please dont fall for it. Obviously was with him. I am a 30 year old widow.was in a relationship with a person for 2 monthshe was very smart, educated, welathy and single..but have had 2 previous relationships in which both the girls refused him according to himhe was one of my aunties friend.when my aunty spoke to him regarding me he said yes he would talk to me and said i want a perfect girl..when we started talking he was very nice.he praised me.said i am perfect for him.gave me so much of time and importance..though we were in different countries and havent seen each other yet he committed to me.he always said i wont find a guy like himhe have worked so hard to achieve all thishe have expenseive watchesi do shopping from london.my family is the best.we go on tours very often..very proud of his looks and bodyalways brag about how good he and his family isafter 3 weeks i started finding changes in him.he gets irritaed with me and yells at meon minor things like if i askare you tiredstarted avoiding mewas controlling the relationship in a way that we would talk when he have time.and whatever he wants to talk about..he would say he is the boss.doesnt show interest if I ask him to skpye or for any other thingwhen cannot call me makes excuses like i forgot my phone somewhere..one day i teased him that i saw someone who was really very nice..he abused me, yelled at me, compared this situation to his previous relationship and hung up.i apologized but still he called and said i accepeted you even though you have a past..and yelled at me..then he was just sending me one or two messages each day.then he stopped texting me and gave me a silent behavior for one month.i begged him even then he didnt respondedthen i texted him and broke up with him.he said he would call me after two days and give me a replyI said i dont want to talk to you anymore.he replied he gave me love and respect and I ruined everything..then called my aunty and said bad things about meI still love him and wish he would come backif he comes back.should I accepthim or not? In any case, tiredofliars8 and I sound like we went through a lot of the same kinds of things with a very similar personality type. I keep in touch how it goes when i hear from him. I just been able to come out of my house in months and hes playing mind games while I take the high road. But just when i get myself out of bed after two weaks of perralised in bed.. just when i started to take care of myself, looked good and accept it.. we first met in 2008 and our last communication was in April 2014). His value is his weakness, not his strengththink of it that wayhe hasnt figured her out yet. Ps..Even when I told him not to contact me again, my heart was breaking because even tho it was the right thing to do, it was hard to sever the connection for good. You have been through it. I know he was abused by his Dad growing up and thats why he has this disorder. I have observed, however, that it depends on the person, how much they should know to heal. Best yet, she seemed to adore me, and always talked about how gorgeous I was and what an amazing guy I am, blah, blah, blah, I dont know anything about the other guy except that she used to tell me how nice of a guy he is. Anyway, I decided that when he came the next day, I was going to look the best hes ever seen me so I put on heels, stockings, skirt, low cut blouse, make up, fingernails done, White Diamonds perfume, hair loose and looking good. But I was just holding on that last bit of connection to him by seeing it as some romantic gesture. March 11, 2021. I had to acknowledge him, and he I. Indirect manipulation. Im proud to say it worked, i blocked her on social media, blocked her phone number and deleted her from my life, that was 6 months ago. I need to regain myself esteem, stop thinking everything i do is for her, never good enough ext. She did not lash out in extremely mean ways, or ever cut herself (from what I am aware of) but everything else screams BPD. Im so sorry to say this to u because I know how u feel. That same night, my friend took my car up to the gas station near my house to put air in the tires; this is the same place I met my ex narc and all his little truck driver friends hang out here. Now, he will have to pay the cable & internet companies for the cost of the boxes if he dont return them and Im not going to keep them BUT Im not jumping just cause he graces me with his texts and calls and Im not responding just cause he thinks i should. Mine even told me he was a COWARD, said he hadnt been a very good partner to me, shouldnt have said this or done that This fallout is something I will deal with on a daily basis for the rest of my life and theirs and it breaks my heart. I wish it where not. I am sane enough to get away from him and no longer put up with his narcissistic, messed up personality. Come to find out that he hasnt changed not was it a mistake. Felt like death would be preferable to the pain I felt while involved with my exBPD. lol I get that all the time, your mean to me, you talk to me worse then you do to a dog, you disrespect me you dont show me any loveyour right I am all those things now as I have put up walls to deal with your shit and your cheating so you know what buddyscrew youI am above you and all the crap. Best of luck to you. I just hope this doesnt turn out to me a disaster. I ended up trusting him and it lasted for years (i.e. Forgot to include how important the No Contact is. I have no idea what made the relationship degrade so badly. His woman whisperer persona was how he manipulated women he had by now been fired from his job and he and Kym were arguing and he wanted to move back in with me. *************************************************************************************************************. No means no and thats what she has violated a lot of timesacting like a 10 year oldseeking revenge and such etc.. Ill have to look into. I think he believed he loved me until I called him a pathological liar. or wherever he was getting his rocks offthat i couldnt tell youwell, admittedlyi flew into a rage and saw redthat night as he slept, i decidedly, without words, wanted to express to him my new found discovery of his hidden true colors by taking a large Vaseline Jar to his yummy treasures hed been enjoyingbc he certainly wasnt enjoying mei put on a glove and swabbed it with a huge goop of the greasy mixture and smeared it all over the inside of this gym bagYou might be saying to yourself, that was a little high-schoolish and immature and irresponsible, well maybe but I suppose i had reached a point of now return and this was my breaking point after years of abusebut in hindsight, he couldve killed me for pulling a stunt like thatI will never forget the 5am reaction while i lay motionless and breathless in my bedi heard him rise, get ready for his ritualistic morning routine for getting to the gym, the sound of movement became less vague, more pronouncedthen under-your-breath slurs shes a bitchheavy foot-steps, then a crash thru my locked bedroom doorgrabbed me out of my bed and thru me against the walltook both hands and smashed everything on my bureau mirrored vanityglass everywherethen looked me straight in the eye with his hands tightened around my neck and announces.your outta hereheavy abuse followed this incident which was planned and premeditated in getting me evicted from my home we shared even so far as to accuse my mental state, which i have to admit was affected by this mans abuse by pushing me past my limits which is what would happen to any sane person at the hands of a NARC like thisnot long after this occurred he set me up and had police arrest me under the guise i was a harm to myself and my child which he used as leverage and weaponry to execute his planhow sick someone could do this to another human being is beyond me while never being able to admit it is himself that is the damaging element in this volatile relationship, all along! He will be charged with trespassing if he is ever on my property again. They need to take time to reflect and heal. Hi lisa. But then at some moments it comes back and i miss him. Because he knows i hate fighting and wants to solve everything. Does that say something about us? I need it. Im sorry this happened to you/us. But that is better than being an emotional wreck every day like I was in the beginning. I am finally feeling free but I know when his latest partner has her fill he will come looking for me. Finally it is on record. I still think about her every damn day and even had a dream the other night that she came back into my life with an apology for her behavior. In fact, we end up feeling much worse. This man was very materialistic with me, loved the best of everything and now he is willing to go bankrupt. Best of luck in your recovery and with maintaining No Contact. You have to find a way to get your own closure. No Im fine. 4. I honestly dont think I can be sucked in again romantically. All of these factors are a recipe for disaster and are why its so extremely difficult to detach. I mean thousands of dollars. While I have engaged with him a few times on social media in the last year since that happened, he hasnt made any serious attempt to get back together with me, although hes alluded to being friends. -Financial Exploitation. I find it particularly appropriate to the field of psychology, cluster B, in specifically (Ns, Psych, etc.). For the life of me, I cant figure it out. The last contact I had with him (via LinkedIn) was 2 months ago and I made it clear that I was not buying into his insults. You dont want to touch that and those diseases. It took this woman repeatedly telling me that I was abused for me to get it. We where too close and i was ok with that. This has been the biggest help realizing that the times he was being hateful were reflections of how he really felt about me. Anon, my comments were taken way out of context. Reading Suggestion: How do Narcissists treat their friends? But, I took him back, through out our relationship he seemed so desperate for female attention, massive amounts of porn, talking about sex with girls, behind my back, secrets and lies that are now coming to shine. Glad to know Ive helped in some small way, Stephanie. You will get stronger and you will find real love enjoy self love, enjoy the freedom most of all that you no longer have to second guess, have blame deflected on you, you no longer feel worthless because they cant set any of these feelings upon you again. Anon, what it means iswhen a person is the target of an emotional abuser, they lose their sense of identity. Get any documentation together that you can that might prove your Ex isnt fit to be your childs primary custodian,which might include any threatening texts and emails, any charges he may have against him for abuse, drugs, or alcohol. After getting my email, the following day, he discarded his FB page and cut off the ex that he allowed to hover and all of the women I accused him of needing attention from. We know his modus operandi as well that hes a narc. On my part I wanted to mention so-called behavioral approach to character disturbances. I would be hard pressed not to lose it on her..u dont mess with peoples children. You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist's favorite form of post-breakup damage control. Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. He never got how unwarranted Silent treatments are controlling and disrespectful. When the narcissist eventually comes back, theres plenty of supply waiting to be imparted. at this point I had to do the no contact or else who knows, I would be okay until he explode again. If the narcissist keeps coming back . My ex really really did try harder with me and I know this for a fact but it was always precipitated by me dumping him. Still, my perception is she is NPD, and btw, just like in your situation, her last move happened when I expressed: I wish you could be tested for NPD. A wife was left feeling 'angry and confused' after her husband asked if he can have an affair with another woman. No response IS actually a response. Ive supported her through so much, mentally, emotionally, financially and she doesnt seem to remember any of it. Telling them they are a Narc does nothing but enrage them. Then, she blocks me. A narcissist will always return to an ex-lover to ensure that his narcissistic supply still pines for him and that she never moves on from the pain he has caused her. I hope you will take the time to read other womens experiences. So I met with him on Monday. He inflicts severe emotional trauma, and then swoops in like some kind of savior when you react. And he is a very proud man. Omg the i cant believe i put up with my ex narc for a year and a half..he was a classic..he was insane to believe i didnt see his games but in my boredom..low self esteem and yes my own insanity i stayed..but in a weird way im happy i went through it because i know what one is and it will never happen again..and i learned alot about myself in the process..he will be turning 59 this year..its going to suck dying alone . U have been dating a narcissist for 18 years and been married to him for 10 years before he left me and his adlut kids for someone new and i am in therpy now and want to heal but i cant get him to divorce me so heal and move on nowing i dont have the means to get rid of him and he has recently has job saying hedoesnt work there so he doesnt have to put on his health insurance.and this way he just keep living this lie he not married and lies about how kids he has and he has no contact with or me he says were his past but wont divorce me to be the past.so mw and kids can move.is there a reason for this? I know that I wanted the school year to end but being apart from you is not what I had in mind. Im sorry, and I do hope you forgive me for the abrupt end and all pain that you have experienced as a result of my actions. So many people told me they felt that he had a personality disorder. 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